Mid-life crisis at 18? Honestly?

This blog's theme song: No Boundaries -- Kris Allen

So, let's get back to another quirk of being me. I do consider myself more mature than most my age. I've been told that multiple times, too. It's weird, my inner child is very present, but so is my inner adult. It's like my "inner teenager" doesn't exist or something. I'm like a 5 year old, 17 year old, and 35 year old all rolled up into one.

But this has lately caused some massive problems for me. Mainly a massive fear, really. I'm so scared that I'm just running out of time. Which, my brain tells me, is completely ridiculous. I'm only 17 for crying out loud, I have plenty of time.

Plenty of time for what, you might ask? Well, my dreams of being an actress coming true, my dreams of being a writer coming true, but mostly the fact that I still haven't had a real boyfriend at the age of 17. To a hopeless romantic dreamer who wants to get married at like...23/24, that is very, very scary. I don't want to end up alone. I don't want to end up in some boring office job.

I've faced this fact a long time ago. Acting and writing are most likely the only jobs I will be completely happy in. Office jobs just aren't for me. I like change, I like traveling, I like being creative. Every job that's been presented to me just...isn't fun. And blah, blah, blah "work isn't fun." Well, I'm sorry, but I refuse to send myself further into a depression because I hate what I do every day. If I'm miserable, what's the point? That's not living. That's existing.

And when you have parents (or really anyone in my family) that approves of these dreams, the fact that they might not happen just makes it all that more scary. I have no idea what to do or how to get into the business, I just know I could do it with some help. But I have yet to find anyone that will help. Which again, makes me terrified.

Seriously, if this crap continues, I'm going to be having a mid-life crisis at the age of 18. How sad is that?

I know I have the talent to make it. Well, I'm pretty sure. It's just the fact that I may never be able to make it. I don't want to end up like those people who never get near their dreams and are walking around just...there. Living from day to day. And I definitely don't want to go on living alone.

I don't know. I guess all I can do is wait and see how things pan out. Right?

Mucho loves.
MA.